


Tell a tale

by Keenir



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Humour, Mischief and Mistletoe 2017, after a long day in Avengers Tower, dinner by Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 11:45:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/pseuds/Keenir
Summary: Loki is telling the Avengers what happened.  Unfortunately, they are pretty sure they've heard this before.





	Tell a tale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [murdur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdur/gifts), [nayanroo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nayanroo/gifts), [Lite_Reads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lite_Reads/gifts), [marvelsamwilson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelsamwilson/gifts), [Ceema](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceema/gifts), [captainhookcaptainfreedom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhookcaptainfreedom/gifts), [ladylaufeyson1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylaufeyson1/gifts), [scarletsherlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletsherlock/gifts), [silverducks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverducks/gifts), [summerof16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerof16/gifts), [TheLadySif](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySif/gifts), [Eternal_Love_Song](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Love_Song/gifts), [a_ufo_party](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_ufo_party/gifts), [rories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rories/gifts), [ConvenientAlias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConvenientAlias/gifts), [Araine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araine/gifts), [Keenir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/gifts).



> To all the Sifki shippers!

_"I had ventured into war, uncaring of how long it took to prevail over our enemies," Loki said, all too able to remember the biting wind of Svartalfheim, the grains of bone and sand and stone that got everywhere whether or not you could see them.  "I thought I died there, on the field of battle - yet I did not, and it took me some time to find a way to return home, full of -"_

"Danger of all sorts and from all directions?" Tony Stark interupted.  "C'mon, don't kid a kidder."

"Pardon?" Loki asked, looking at Stark in particular of his audience from where he sat atop the bar.

"You're describing the plot of The Iliad."

Thor coughed and offered, "Perhaps a different part of your life would be a better beginning, Loki."

"Fine," Loki grumbled.   _"After one of my returns, none yet knew I still lived, so I took up another appearance, intending to wait only a little while before I announced my survival.  But I found myself at ease in this new life, with friends and dear ones I had not enjoyed previously.  Only violence tore me from that new life, forcing me to return to publicly being myself."  
_

Sif was thankful she was positioned in the back corner, where her face was veiled in shadow, so none could see her blushing at memories of Haldor.  Or of Loki, who it turned out was Haldor. Or of Haldor, who became Loki.  

"No," said Hawkeye.   "Now you're going to take credit for The Count of Monte Cristo?"

"To be fair," Scarlet Witch said, "revenge and new lives are staples of literature and reality."

"Touche."

"Earlier, then," Loki muttered.   _"Through the vilest of swamps, past the boneyards of the beast we pursued, we approached the flooded cave where it slept."  Thor and Fandral and I were hunting down this beast in answer to a request Alfheim had made of the Allfather.   "It wounded us and nearly ended us all, but in the end we prevailed over it, ending its reign of terror."_

"And now Beowulf?" asked Pepper.

"Its like my professors always said," Wasp said, "there are only, at most, ten stories in all of human history."

Thor made an insulted noise.

"All of the history experienced by anyone?" Ant-Man offered as a compromise.

Thor nodded.

"May I continue?" Loki asked.

"Is that a trick question?" Captain America asked him.

"You and your compatriots made much noise that I explain myself.  And when I do so, you protest."

"Continue," Black Panther said.

_"Elsewhen, in our youth, I trailed a far more dangerous individual - a thief who had stolen the shapeshifting skin of one who I cared for."_

Bruce said, "Roan Innish and other selkie stories - at least this one's got a twist to it.  Normally the stories just have someone stealing a sealskin."

"Actually," Thor said.  "He was trailing me.  I was curious if I could transform into a bear, so I borrowed our sister's."

"Well, that explains why the bear-skinned berserkers were always considered Odin's favorite warriors in Viking lore."

"Perhaps something that strikes them as less of what they consider religion, then, Loki?" Fandral suggested.

Loki nodded.

"Its not religion, its mythology!" Captain America stated.

"You don't want to have that debate," Jane whispered to him.  "One of the few things Snorri and the others got right, was that the Asgardians had their own gods."

Ignoring them, Loki said, _"For countless years of my life, whatever else was befalling us, I would do as I was bid by the one who I loved long before I could say anything to her.  So I always answered her with the words -"_

"As you wish?" Iron Man asked.

 _"_ He did," Sif said, striding forwards _.  "For all my life, I lived as men do, drank as all do, sang as horribly as men do, and fought in the armies of my lord.  Even when I felt the stirring of my heart, I continued in this way, even to the day I thought all was lost, my love included."_

Softly, Pepper said, "Mulan was never alone."

"To celebrate what I hope will happen today," Loki announced to everyone present, "I cooked a feast."

While Thor and Fandral and Sif cheered, Iron Man asked "Do we need tasters?"

"Loki's cooking is far superior to my own," Thor said.

"No offense," Jane said, "but that's like saying Megavolt is saner than Quackerjack."

Hawkeye's kids laughed.

"Taste for yourself," Sif told them.  "HEIMDALL!"

Everyone was beamed out of the room, and onto an open wasteland devoid of even a scruffy grass; the ground was flaking and peeling all over, and small boulders left drag marks behind them.

And the Avengers were now standing all around a table which would not have looked out of place among Escher waterfalls or castles.  And also standing around were all their friends and family.

"Brother, what befell the Midgard Serpent?" Thor asked.  "Has he shrank?"

"That's mine, actually," said Hawkeye's wife.  "Before I retired, I was Princess Python."

"Nice to meet you," Silk said.

"Likewise," Iron Man said, already thinking how he could bug Hawkeye about this.

"Now, back to the stories," said Agent Carter with a loud clap of her hands - all of her was restored to youth.

"How the -?" Captain America was asking.

"That's at least two missing scenes of explanation right there," She-Hulk said.  "Maybe she'll share a private epilogue with you, after the stories."

"My turn," Sif said, stepping forth.  _"On one of the occasions that Loki was captured -"_

"Less than Thor, at least," Loki said.

Thor nodded.

Sif continued:  _"he was imprisoned in a tower far higher and smoother than anything the Red Man here could construct."_

"Red man?" Iron Man repeated, then looked at his armor.  "Okay, fair point."

"I strode up to the foot of the tower, and shouted up, _"Loki, good prince of Asgard, this will require your assistance as well.  Therefore, let loose your -""_

"Lustrous locks?" Iron Man asked at the same time as -

"Snark," Fandral said.

" _Unfortunately,"_ Sif said, _"Loki was asleep after days of keeping an eye out for me, so I simply chopped down the tower and let its roof tumble from the clouds to land."_

"Rapunzel turns into Jack and the Beanstalk?" Spider-Man asked.  "Man, you guys need better agents for your vacations."

"But what awoke me was not the crash nor the paper cuts," Loki said, as he and Sif continued to walk towards one another.  "What brought me to my senses, was this," and cupped Sif's smiling face in his hands, and he and she drew together, their lips not parting for some time.

"Pretty sure I know this one," quipped the other Hawkeye.


End file.
